Of Egos And Apologies
by Memuro
Summary: A girl screamed at the top of her lungs to the point where they began to hurt. Yet she screamed more as she ran to his side, just to be pulled by some green claded man. The ruler of Oshu fell for a girl who se heart had no place for him. DateXOC.
1. Prologue

Prologue.

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A rainy day

A girl was running. To where, she didn't know, she just knew that she needed to get away from that place. Anywhere else would be just fine. As long as it's not there.

She ran, and collapsed.

A man in blue, standing in front of her, stretching his hand for her, a smile on his face.

"Are you okay?" he asked

And she followed him.


	2. The Lost Girl

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, thank you~!

This is an old story which isn't finished yet...but oh well, I decided to put in on , yeah...so...dozo.

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Chapter 1

The Lost girl

"Ieyasu-sama! Ieyasu-sama!"

A girl, looking not more than 17, screamed at the top of her lungs to the point where her throat began to hurt. Yet she screamed more, as she ran to his side, just to be pulled back by some green claded men.

"Ieyasu-sama! Please hold on, don't leave me alone! Please, please..."

But her plea went unheard as the man in blue, THAT man in blue, laid on the cold ground, stagnant.

His chest didn't move as it used to to indicate that he's still breathing. His fingers were not curled tightly around his spear as usual. His eyes were closed. His complexion was frighteningly pale.

And his smile.

His smile is no longer there. The smile that gave her courage all the time, the smile that made her feel relieved whenever she was scared or nervous. The smile that always reassured everything's fine.

The smile that gave her her life.

But it was all gone now, it was not there anymore and whatever she did, she would never see it again.

It had gone, and so was her life.

He's the one who gave her a life. Without him, she's as good as dead. And she had devoted her life to serve him. Now that he's dead, whatever she is going to do?

He's her reason to keep on living, her source of light.

She buried her face in her hands and cried her heart out, not caring anymore that people may see her. Not caring anymore about the boy in green whose helmet bore a gold crescent moon, walked to her, a triumphant smirk on his face.

"Oi, Hara, I'm sorry for killing your lord. But I have too, okay? You need to understand. But if you couldn't, I can comprehend, you're just a fool after all. But, hey! Look at the bright side, you get to serve me. And I don't take 'no'"

All she could do was glare at him.


	3. Road To Oshu

Yay~!Mago~!He's just too sexy to be true xDDDDD

I *heart* Mago

Ahem....

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Chapter 2

Road to Oshu

The girl sat silently as the man sitting in front of her dug his heels into the horse's sides and shot of.

She winced slightly from the cold air penetrating her wounds but did nothing other than biting her bleeding red lips.

"Hey, sweetie, what's your name?" breaking the silence, the man asked as he turned his head to get a better view of her.

She looked up and quickly noticed who the man was. Knowing her place, she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out, he raised an eyebrow at this. Her throat were still burning from all the screaming and crying she did. She cleared her throat, it stung a bit. She then swallowed, trying to ease the pain.

She parted her lips again. "Hara Mizuno" she said, barely above whisper for her voice had cracked again.

"Hara Suzuna, eh? Such a pretty name for a pretty maiden like yourself." He winked, making her wanted to shudder but resisted if it's not for her aching back.

"I don't mean to sound arrogant but I'm sure you're aware of who I am, hm?"

"You are Saika Magoichi, but surely an idiot must at least know his own name."

"Oh, sarcastic and witty, aren't we? You really amused me. So, what do you say about going on a date with me when you're all healed up, eh? You look like shit now, with all your dried blood."

"Where are we going?" she asked, completely ignoring his question.

"Aw, come on…"

"Where?"

"We're going to Oshu" he sighed

"Oshu?!" Her bloodshot eyes widened as she shrieked but quickly regret it as the burning sensation kicked back in, making her throat hurt even more. A few men glanced at her with odd looks but dare not to say anything, while the man in the front row began to pace back until he was side by side with Magoichi's horse.

"Yeah, Oshu, got a problem with that, Hara?" he asked. Turning her head to her side, she scoffed, trying in vain to cross her hands in front of her chest due to the tying one of the Date men did

"Looks like she hates you, Masamune."

"So, what? I don't care!" he scoffed, just as stubbornly as her.

'Kids…' Magoichi thought while shaking his head tiredly.


	4. His Name Was Sawa

Chapter 3~!

Thank you for reading this far. I love you, yo.

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Chapter 3

His Name was Sawa

"Oi"

She heard someone calling her in a distant voice but chose to ignore it and went back to her blissful slumber.

"Oi, Hara!"

Again, she ignored it.

"You foolish girl! Wake up!"

The voice sounded agitated now and she could feel her body being shaken, making pain crept its way throughout her body in an amazing speed. She opened her eyes slowly and saw a blurred green. No, scratch that, A LOT of blurred green.

She took her sweet time, adjusting her eyes to the light, not even bothering the boy's constant shouting at her. She then took a full view of a castle, not as big as Lord Ieyasu's she noted, but big enough, with a lot of deep rich green flags surrounding it.

Flabbergasted, she asked ""Where in sweet mother earth am I?"

She could hear a groan and a 'I'll leave her to you.' from below her, but that's to be expected. Even she had slapped herself mentally as soon a the retarded question flew out of her lips.

"We're in Oshu, Miss. This is Masamune-dono's castle. Please do take a note at the flags." An old random soldier said.

She just nodded silently as she struggled to get off the horse, which Magoichi had left with her, obviously.

"Here, let me help you, Miss" The old man said, receiving a quiet 'thank you' from said girl

"Do you think you can walk? If you can't, I'll be glad to help you." he offered.

She just stared at him with eyes full of suspicion. 'Why is he so nice to me? He's a Date soldier for heaven's sake.'

As if he could read her mind, he spoke up again "You see, I have a daughter. She's around your age, but I don't get to see her often as I'm in the army and all. I suppose my fatherly instinct just kicked in. So can you walk by yourself?"

She shook her head from side to side and informed him about her hurting ankle.

"Very well then" he said, mostly to himself as he carried her to the room his Lord had just told him when he saw the soldier with his 'catch'.

xXx

"Here you go, Miss. Stay put and don't go out of this room." Old random soldier said as he put her down on the tatami floor.

"I'll call some herbalists to patch up your wounds. They're quite deep and may leave a scar if not attended soon."

"Thank you for everything, erm..." she whispered just as he turned his back to leave the room.

"Sawa. Ichinosuke Sawa." and with that, he went out.

'Sawa, huh?' she thought.

Minutes later, in came two old women with weird stuffs and to buckets of water in their hands. One was short and round with a motherly look on her face while the other tall and skinny with wrinkled skin and an uptight strict look on her face. They then introduced themselves as Nunu, the plump one and Yuki, the strict one. They were the herbalists Sawa mentioned earlier.

They made their way to her and started cleaning up her wounds with hot water which make the young woman hissed every time the towel touched the open gashes. After that, they put some icky, sticky, not-so-good-smelled stuff on her wounds and cover them up with clean bandages.

When they had finished, Suzuna could feel better already. She saw Yuki left, followed by Nunu, who came back in almost immediately with a bowl of soup and a cup of hot tea.

"Eat a little and go to sleep. You really need it, okay love?" she asked with a very warm smile, making it hard for the girl to say no.

And she did what Nunu told her. She was tired after all and was dreading for some sleep.


	5. Happy Family

First I want to thank KirinFang and kuro rei for reviewing. I love you both~

And yeah, I used to post it on Art of War xD

(dis)Claimer:I do (not) own SW.

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**Chapter 4  
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**Happy family**

Morning had arrived and the birds were chirping happily as the warmth of the sun embraced the earth.

Suzu had been forced to stay in bed for weeks with only the accompany of either Nunu, Yuki, or Sawa whom she had relate a rather close bond with, and although she appreciate it very much but she still wanted to go out of the room, to walk on her feet and to breathe in some fresh air, to feel that she's not caged up in some prison, to feel free.

But they won't let her, the medicine won't let her. It numbed her every time she drinks it and they won't leave her until she did so. All in all, she had no escape from the hellish room.

The door creaked open and Nunu walked in with some breakfast and yet another herb of hers.

"Morning, Suzu." She greeted warmly. "How have you been?"

"I'm better already, thank you, Nunu-san" Suzu smiled back at her. "Can I…um…take a walk today?" She hesitantly asked as she took a sip from her tea, earning a frown from the older woman.

"No, Suzu, I don't think you should. Your body needs more rest and plus, I can't let you wander off alone now could I? What if you suddenly passed out on your way?"

"Well, I- I've enough rest already, I mean it's been weeks, it's even almost 2 moths now, Nunu-san. And all I do is sleep and eat; I'll be a pig one of these days. Also, you could accompany me while I take a walk, right? I'm really really…bored, Nunu-san. Can I? Please?" she widened her grey eyes and pouted her lips in hope to catch her heart.

And she succeeded.

"Owh, alright, alright. But not more that 30 minutes, are you clear, Ms. Hara?" she sighed in defeat "Now finish your breakfast, Suzu, I'll go fetch some haoris for us."

"Haori?" She tilted her head in confusion.

"Yes, you see, it might be cold out there, you're sick and I'm old so I guess we should be kept warm."

"Oh…" she took another bite from the breakfast and let out a squeal of delight as soon as Nunu left her alone.

"Yatta!!" she squealed yet again, throwing the chopsticks in glee. She had to admit, Nunu-san really was a very sweet person. She reminded her of her mother so much. And even though she, along with Sawa-san and Yui-san were of the Dates' but they were all good people.

She once refused to even acknowledge them for their 'clan' had killed her Lord. But their kindness and sincerity melted her barrier and so she let them in, forming her own 'happy family'.

A few moments later Nunu-san reappeared with two haoris, the small one was a brownish orange in color while the bigger one was a deep magenta. She handed Suzu the orange one and put on the deep magenta one herself before helping Suzu with hers. Then they headed out for the long awaited walk.

"Oh, Nunu-san! This is very beautiful!" Suzu exclaimed in awe of the sight bore before her. The garden was filled with so many flowers in their full blossoms and trees, making the gardens filled with pastels and greens, there was a pathway for the people to walk on with cobble stones on each side and at the corner was a huge fish pond. The soil itself felt really good. It was very smooth and the color was really nice to look at that Suzu wasn't even able to put the right words to describe it.

"It is, isn't it? I really like it myself too."

"Oh, yes! Even Ieyasu-sama's wasn't as…beautiful as this!" She twirled around the garden, stopping every once in a while to sniff the flowers or to touch the soft surface of the slightly damp leaves and petals with her pale fingers before she sat herself beside the pond, playing with the colorful fishes.

"Well, hello there, beautiful. Didn't expect to see you here."

Suzu turned her head to the direction of the voice and saw a man.


	6. We're All Murderer

Memuro:Yay, chappie fivey~! I personally like this chapter the best, what about you, reader?x3

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**Chapter 5**

**We're All Murderer**

"Saika!" Suzu hissed and if looks could kill, Saika Magoichi was a dead man.

"My, my. You remembered my name, I'm very flattered." The brown-haired man said before giving her a rather flirtatious smile.

"Nunu, can you be as kind to leave us alone, please?"

"B-But, My Lord, her injuries haven't-" The herbalist stammered, obviously knew the name entitled to the man other than the sharpshooter.

"I'll take her back later. Can you go?" It wasn't a question. It was an order and Nunu didn't have any other choice than to leave them alone.

"What do you want?" Suzu spat her words, full of venom.

"Now, now, Suzu, let's not do the lover spat, ne?"

"We. Are. Not. Lovers."

"Not yet."

She humphed, crossed her hands stubbornly like she had once did before and turned her head, focusing her mind on playing with the fish and proceeded to ignore the older man.

'Such arrogance. He's disgusting.'

"Oi, Suzu, are you listening?" She felt him patted her shoulder and swatted his hand away and sttod up abruptly.

"Don't you dare lay your filthy hand on me, you murderer!" She screamed. "How could you? How could you talk so lightly on me after doing such a thing to my Lord and my family!! How dare you touch me with a hand that had killed him…You have no face!"

Magoichi found himself at loss on words for a second before bursting into laughter.

"What are you laughing at? There's nothing to laugh about!"

"Ah…No…It's just, you called me a murderer, right?" he asked, hand half covering his face

"Well yes!"

"Then what are you?" The question hit her full force.

"Then what are you, hmm, Hara Suzuna? Don't you kill people just like I do? Isn't that what your Lord asked you to do? To protect him? To kill every single person in his way? How many people had you killed in order to fulfill your Lord's order?" She couldn't answer. Her eyes started to water and she couldn't find the courage to look at him anymore and so she lowered her head, fiddling with her thumbs nervously.

"Answer me, Hara Suzuna, are you not a murderer?"

"I…I…" Now it's Suzuna's time to had her tongue tied.

"Let me answer that for you. You ARE a murderer, Suzu, just like me, just like Masamune, just like everybody else here. We're all murderer." He looked serious, the flirtatious, playful air around him was gone and his face looked stiff. "That's why I think you shouldn't ever say those words again to anybody, since you are one too. A murderer"

The word 'murderer' sounded so cold to her ears, so painfully cold that if it was to be materialized, Suzu's ears were going to be sliced off her head and torn to pieces.

Tears started to roll down her cheeks. She never thought that she was a murderer. She killed those people because her Lord told had told her that they're bad. He always made them sound bad that she ended up hating them all and killed them with so much hatred.

He made her killed them. He made her a murderer.

The realization was too much for her to handle at that time. She didn't want him to look malicious. She didn't want to think of him so badly.

She didn't want to believe that her Lord wasn't as perfect as she thought.

She fell to her knees and started sobbing uncontrollably. And Nunu's statement was proven. She wasn't healthy enough, mentally, that is. Her heart was still so crushed and fragile because of the death of Ieyasu and the rest of the Tokugawa. She wasn't supposed to go out yet, where even words could make a deep gash to her recovering heart.

Magoichi sighed and picked her up. This time she didn't protest. Maybe because the realization that had just been dawned to her brain or the fact that she was too busy crying to even care that Magoichi had her in his arms. That was a question never to be answered.

He slowly made his way back to her room, whispering soothing words to her ear, but never an apology. Because what he just said earlier was true and the Saika man thought he didn't has to apologies for the truth, and so he didn't.


	7. Cry Baby Cry

Memuro: Chapter six is up. I'm gonna post ch.7 real soon and could you tell me what I should do with it?Because I really have no idea on how I should continue it. I'm such a loser....Dx

And despite how I describe Ina here, I actually don't really like her. o_O

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**Chapter 6**

**Cry Baby Cry**

Magoichi settled her on her futon and caress her hair, not knowing what else to do. Her silent sobs filled the quiet room and soon, Magoichi stood up and left her alone to her solace.

She laid back on the soft white material, her black hair pooled around her head, contrasting her pale white skin, hands still covering her face and the tears were forever flowing. She bit her pink chapped lips, trying to stop the sobs that were getting louder and louder every second since Magoichi left. Not because he's not there, but because she felt better crying alone. She could never really cry when there were people around. She felt embarrassed because it showed people that she was a girl after all. A weak girl who could do nothing but cry.

She took a sharp breath and started hiccupping. Never in her life had she felt so betrayed. Her heart ached and it was very painful, unlike any other wounds she had received from battles. She felt as if a thousand of arrows were stabbing a small prick in her heart. And it pained her so.

Oh, how she wished to see her Lord right here right now. How she wished to see that smile. Even though it was because of him she's crying, but she still believed that the smile would make everything better, would make her feel better.

But that couldn't be happening because he's gone now. Because Masamune had killed him. Because she had failed to protect him.

The last thought made her weep more. She cried and she wailed with the sorrow of a lost soul. Turning, around, she buried her head into the pillow hoping it would muffle her cries.

Suddenly, images of her past with the Tokugawa all rushed into her brain in such an amazing speed it made her dizzy,

Every moment, every memory was reminded. The first time Ieyasu had found her. The moment he took her to his castle. She still vaguely remembered how she felt so small in front of the huge castle, feeling she didn't belong there. But he assured her. And she believed him.

Her thoughts ran to the moment she celebrated New Year party there, and her first training session. She was very much beaten up that time. She smiled a little at the memory, her sobs cascading down.

And also, how proud she was when her master told her she had learnt all the lessons there were to be learnt and that she was able to serve Ieyasu. She was about to explode with joy when she heard him. And the time she first met the great Tadakatsu Honda. She was scared, her feet were trembling. Her throat was dry and her breath was hitched. She didn't know what to do, or to say. He was intimidating even though he just stood there. But the feeling was quickly diminished as he offered a warm fatherly smile at her when she vowed to pledge loyalty to the Tokugawa. He even said his welcome to her. Then, on to her first mission, and the days she spent playing around in the castle with some maids and Ina-hime.

Ina-hime

Ina-hime was another fond memory of hers. She was beautiful. Her hair so long and soft and it never got tangled up no matter what complicated moves she did, unlike hers. Her eyes shone a brilliant color of brown. Her skills were so elegant and beautiful, it's almost an art. Her personality so kind, so responsible, so mature.

The almost perfect girl was once her best friend. But now she's gone too, along with the others.

She remembered the times they played together in a warm spring day at a field of flowers, running around, letting themselves free, acting like their age and not like some soldier. And the times when they slept together in Ina's room, which was bigger than hers; talking about girl stuffs. She still knew perfectly well about Ina's crush, about Ina's secrets and problems that not even Tadakatsu would think of. They were all still in her heart.

All of them. They still live in her heart.

Before she knew it, her cries had gotten louder again and she had to clamp her hand around her mouth to decrease the sound she's making

Hours seemed to past yet the girl's still pouring her heart out until she finally cried herself to sleep.


	8. Stupid Arrogant Bastard

Memuro:There ya go....tell me your opinion please?I'll give you cookies if you do~!xD

Finally, Date appeared!Yay!!*throws confetti*

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**Chapter 7**

**Stupid Arrogant Bastard**

Her eyelids slowly fluttered, welcoming the blinding ray surging through the window. She stirred in her mattress and sighed tiredly, knowing her eyes must be red and swelling, she could literally feel it. Suzu always hated crying but at least she felt better, lighter in some way.

She stayed still and closed her eyes once again, snuggling closer to her pillow and blanket. Her impression about Magoichi drastically changed after that incident. She always thought of him as a playful smooth mouthed skirt-chaser without any vision in life who didn't even know the difficulties of life. She certainly didn't know anything about the guy.

She was never a thinker herself, and thinking in the state she was in, almost made her doze back to dreamland had there not been a noise from behind her.

"Hey, you okay?"

Suzu didn't even peek over the dark tresses of hair that covered her face. She wasn't in a mood to socialize right then and she didn't want anyone to see her face, the face that held such strong evidence that she had cried last night.

"Oi, I'm talking to you." The voice laced with a little tint of concern, which would be recognized if the arrogance in it was toned down by a level or two.

The speaker sighed and slid the door close, walking to sit beside her bed.

"Date." She gasped in surprised as soon as she saw his face.

"Yeah. What happened to you?"

"What are you doing here?" she hissed

"Nunu. Anyway, did you cry? I heard you howling last night. Thought it was a demon or something." He smirked. She just scoffed and turned her face away from him.

"Oi, really, what happened?"

"Get out."

"Oi, bitch."

"I said get out! I don't want to see you!" she snapped indignantly. Even after the briefs from Magoichi she still couldn't accept that this boy beside her was almost innocent for the act of murdering her Lord since what Ieyasu had done with other rulers was the same with him and since Suzu asserted that her Lord was innocent, that mean he too, was innocent. And she refused to accept it.

"What's your problem?" he asked suddenly feeling infuriated. His hands reached out to her body, cornering her to the wall, and almost felt sorry as he saw her face. The girl seemed like she could burst off crying at any given second and he can't help but notice how small her body was, so frail looking, so delicate, compared to his or his soldier's.

"What do you want? Leave me alone! I don't want to see your face! Don't want to hear your voice. Just leave me alone! Please?" She squeaked out, turning her face away from his gaze.

He sighed at put her back down. "It's what Magoichi said, isn't it? Well you better get used to the fact because what he said is right. You can't just live in your fantasy world where your Lord is practically the most perfect guy in the universe, stupid girl." He avowed rudely making the girl below him flinch.

"GO AWAY!" she screamed. She can't stand hearing his voice, stating the truth she kept on denying since yesterday.

"Don't order me around! I was about to leave, imbecile!" he stood up gruffly and left the room, slamming the door as hard as he could while keep maintaining the force as to not break it.

She cringed at his voice and slumped back to her bed, eyes watering but instead of despair, rage was all the dark eyes showed.

"Stupid arrogant bastard! I will avenge my Lord! Just you see!" she muttered under her breath.


End file.
